Thanks to two wonderful friends - one who's gone before on this road less traveled, and one who will always know me better than I know myself - my manic first day in San Francisco of quasi-optimistic ups and very fatalistic downs has come to a close with these thoughts:
This crippling fear I am feeling is part of what I signed up for, but it will pass and give way to excitement. The uncertain and uncomfortable position in which I find myself is not a self-imposed sentence, but rather an opportunity for self-discovery through genuine struggle. At the beginning of all of this - as hard as it sometimes is to remember that time - I wanted (needed) to see who I was with structure and safety and status quo stripped away, and that was what set all of this in motion.
And here I am. I am in San Francisco, with no idea of what tomorrow will bring.
Someday in the near future, with a lot of repetition of the paragraph above, I'll be able to follow that up with: "And that is awesome."
i hear you're living in the castro. that's pretty gay.
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